On my mind

This week I have been thinking a lot about knowing. You've probably heard it said that our deepest desire is to know and be known....I think that God made us relationally this way. Because He wants us to know Him and He wants to (and already does) know us. Then He turns us outward and wants us to know and be known by others.

Pretty simple sounding, right?

Well, it's not. It's hard work to really know someone. It's hard work to allow ourselves to really be known. It's so much easier to know about, to serve, to check things off a list, to keep things on the surface.

This verse has been on my mind lately:
"On that day many will say to me, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and then I will declare to them ' I never knew you'" -Matthew 7:21-23

Jesus wants us to know Him. It is that simple.

BUT...When we really know someone or are known by them we have to face big things. Hard things. Fears. Expectations. Hopes. Confusion.

I want to know Jesus, to really know Him. But sometimes that is messy-looking. Just like people, He is not someone that can be "figured out" or put into a box. He is bigger than that. And it's kind of overwhelming. It's equally overwhelming thinking about how well He knows me, the good and bad and in between.

In my classes, we've been talking a lot about secure attachment. That's a fancy psychology term for basically being healthily attached (without being overly attached) in your relationships. Peter Fonagy, an expert in this area, says that secure attachment is "knowing that you exist in someone's mind". This is something that we all want. For others to be aware of us, to care for us, to know that we pass through their minds every once in a while...

And God gives us this. We are at the forefront of His mind.

I am so convinced that at the end of the day, God just wants us to be honest with Him. To put ourselves out in front of Him and say "God, this is me. These are the little parts of me that I don't show to other people-these are the parts that I think I can even keep from You.

Show me who You are. I am nothing like You but I want to be."

He can handle knowing us, and He wants us to know Him.

Pretty sweet, don't ya think?

Unconditionally loved by the God of the universe

This last weekend I got to see a bunch of my really good friends from home and my family. There is a certain amount of expectation that comes with any trip to see people you haven't in a while. I was so comforted...in the ways that things had changed but people and their love hadn't. Unconditional people giving unconditional love. Influenced by the love they receive from God.

One of my friends at school reminds me of this sometimes. Dixie, you are unconditionally loved by the God of the universe. Wow.

It is a little overwhelming. Learning not only from being told but from experiencing real, unconditional love. That's what's been rocking my world lately. Unconditional love from wonderful people in my life, but mostly from the God who made it all. I think my view of love has been a little skewed for most of my life. I've known what unconditional love is, have been given it by many people over the years, but I think somehow attributed my own earning of it at least to a small degree, if I'm honest.

I have learned bad habits. Habits of how to love people "enough", or for a season, or until it gets hard. Or when I feel like it.

God doesn't do that. I don't deserve His love; He showers it on. I doubt him daily and push him to the side hourly. I plan my future and see if I can squeeze him into it all. I rebel against His loving discipline. He loves me the same.

All I know is that if you haven't truly experienced that love, His love, unconditional, uncompromising, unending...I pray that you will. You can.

So remember, today, wherever you are, whatever you're feeling, wherever you are wishing you were, however you may be hurting or confused or just tired...
You are unconditionally loved by the God of the Universe.

Step

This week has been one of those weeks where I have just felt inspired. Over and over again. And it is just Wednesday.

The outline of the sun coming up over the mountains on a morning run, the overwhelming display of stars on a dark night, the consistent return of sunny days, good talks with new and old friends alike, learning challenging things in and out of school every day ...reminders that God is at work, here and now.

Yesterday was particularly inspiring as I was encouraged and challenged in multiple ways, through multiple people, to take a step.

The other day in my New Testament class we were talking about Peter. We talked about Peter and Jesus, and that day during a storm where Jesus told Peter to come out to him on the water. What I always remember about this story is that Peter began to sink once He took a couple of steps, and Jesus reminded Him to have more faith. What we talked about, though, in class was the fact that Peter took that first step.

It's craziness when you really think about it. Stepping out onto water in the middle of a big storm. I think that the fact that Peter took that first step needs to be paid more attention to. Peter took a step in faith because he knew the man that was calling him. He knew him well and he knew he could be trusted. Once he took that first step, it was not complete smooth sailing. His faith dwindled for a while, he even got wet, but he had chosen to trust a man that was trustworthy.

Jesus can be trusted. He calls us to come to Him every day. Our journey towards Him is not perfect. But He is still there, pulling us out of our comfort zones, steady and unchanging, loving and hope-giving.

It's kind of a scary time, for me and for a lot of people I know. There's a lot of change going on, I am learning a lot about myself, about the world, and about people. Through my experiences in Colorado, I am being forced to truly look into who I am and where I am taking steps towards. It is terrifyingly exciting.

Such is life, and I am glad.

The things that God puts on our hearts to do and to be can become a reality. We can have the courage to act, with His help. His grace is bigger than our most overwhelming fear.

Donald Miller contemplates life in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in acknowledgment. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants."

Jesus told Peter that day simply to come, he saved him when he sank, and he proved his trustworthiness completely.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." -2 Corinthians 12:9